nothing to show for it

I ask myself what I would have with it
I tell myself I don't wanna know what it'd be like without it
There as a crutch
To cope
Too much
Down my throat
Suffocating and brief
With delight
And thoughtless sleep
I wonder what I'd have by now if I kept it
I wonder how much has been flipped
Out my pocket and into the hand
Of someone who believes my lie
Who believes the rasp in my voice
And that my face has lines
But those too,
are lies.
And little scars of what it has brought me
In horrific mornings
and in memory
and in the people I meet
& in the regrets I reap
And dismiss
and forget
and excuse
Because that's just what
you do.
Hell, maybe it'd go to my body
Just not in the way it does now
Maybe I'd think a bit clearly
But my thoughts might be too loud
Maybe I'd believe in the soul
Like a mare instead of a foal
Maybe I wouldn't love
this idea
this convenience
this drug
I ask myself what I would have with it
If I didn't use it so easy, so fast,
I wonder if I'd be better
If instead of the crutch
I kept the cash.

more trees

My hair's so dirty that the shampoo won't lather
I just want it clean,
it's not like it's dead
The pixies woulld be proud of me
but I just want it to look nice
so I try to curl it instead
while it's still there
and realize it's already dead
but when we try to fix things
and when we accomplish
things said
remember it was for us,
and never for them

Washington

To sleep is simply to soar,

A shadow of a vision in my head,

Makes me feel mad in my skin,

What you see will go,

And beauty must one day leave,

Gorgeous sun,

Slither, not shake,

When you sleep,

Remember to dream

Apple Sauce

Pen to paper

And fingers to glass

Hope will come

And talent will pass

I still don't eat liver

And I still don't eat brain

No more cells left to sell

Too plain

Too insane

ya sea..

There's no sleep behind those eyes, or to soothe that restless mind. Neither is there hope in the words you speak, in assumption of wasted time. There's no fire you breathe when your mouth whips at me. There's just an obvious triumph in your negativity.

When you drag your feet and drag others (and me), bewildered why they cry...

There's observers hope that watch you mope, a sad wish that'd you die.

Or so you think.

And dream.

Oh, a way to justify how you treat them (and me).

Your standards can't be met, because you have none.

If you lose, expectation, so you've won.

Oh, to break a girl in half for fun.

Washington

To sleep is simply to soar,

A shadow of a vision in my head,

Makes me feel mad in my skin,

What you see will go,

And beauty must one day leave,

Gorgeous sun,

Slither, not shake,

When you sleep,

Remember to dream

Pourqoi

Because we once made it snow in a boy's bathroom when the air was pure and the white of your eyes was obscured
She spoke and she smoked while I attempted to manage my feelings
"feel this"; those words
From a chest that has no heart
In your life, I'm a vague part
I know
But when asked why we have no care in the world, why I can't think of words to say
It's because we once made it snow

Ah woahh

Life is long and life is short
We hang ourselves and we abort
We snort happiness and deceive our hearts
Dividing love in many parts
Pains a game and so's the above
If theres anyone I'm thinking of
If I can't remember the second verse
And to love your child is to scream and curse
Then count me out.
I won't scream
I won't shout
My mind is calm with doubt
And other stuff too
Because the life I lead
Wasn't prescribed to you
Oh, irony
Through the window and on the floor
And that one time oil called me a whore
When everything's numb
Yet my heart beats strong
Lifes too short for love
Yet to hate, it's too long.

Oh

I could probably kill myself
But I don't have the guts to tear them out
But I was only wondering
Smashing my brain against bricks
Just wondering
About getting more than my fix
And less than my hope
With reality, I cope
With the days that follow
Beyond my limits and zone
If hell has company
Count me in
Because hear is nicer
Than alone.