Stars and Hearts

For some reason I can't explain I always want to scream. No words, just noise, but with meaning. I want to shout to everyone I know that life isn't simple and that you have one chance to do it correctly. I'm about as deep as the ocean at night, and during the day im merely puddles of lies that no one can understand, so I write. So I cry so I try to sing but instead it comes out as poetry that only rhymes to me. I want that voice to move the waters and those hands to move the mountains. I want to dance and love and laugh but I just can't find the words. My emotions are more than intricate beings they are less than dirt alone, but without dirt there would be no life and without life there would be no dirt. So my feelings are dependent on day to day expression that I can't seem to make time for. I want to scream my heart out, but apparently I don't really have one of those either. So I laugh at your confessions, and stay silent at your jokes. I want to laugh but those days are over. I can't lie straight to your face, but only to your back. That's just how we are I guess. I shouldn't drag you down, that's not my place or right. But if you did it to me I wouldn't mind. The sun is more than just a light or a life or a lie or a star. It's what makes me want to lay and wait until the moon comes for fun. I have nothing more to say, oh I'm lying again. My name is kait and I wanna do something great.

6/29/09

Best advice I've ever given

Don't get too attached to people. Pretend you're watching yourself and your actions on a TV show rather than living and feeling it, and make your decisions from that point of view. Sometimes your heart makes the foolish decisions before your brain can make the logical ones.

Heart and mind never agree and the eyes only get in the way.

Hooked on Phonics

Fighting addiction that is no substance, my explanation was lost to the wires and shine of cold missing lives. Understand? Neither do I.
I think I've finally found it and I don't quite know what to do with it because you assume I wouldve planned this coveted moment out better. Right? I thought so too.
For some reason you are unmatchable, undefeatable, unreliable. So why am I waiting, hesitating, and falling? Why? I don't know either.
You put me to sleep when you aren't even there. Funny thing is, realistically, I know you wouldn't. Because if you wanted to exist, you would, and you don't. Love? That can't be.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
7/19/09

Acidic Active Fools

I never want to grow up, but I want to drastically change. I could list about 100 things that make me feel kind of strange. Pointing out flaws helps nothing. Except make you stay inside. I'm imperfect, so are you, we have nothing to hide. I could talk about evils I seem to meet everyday. Or I could chant about happiness, about that I have so much to say. I hope what I say means something, more than just screaming online. It probably won't, I'm fine of it don't. I can't take hints; I take signs. I wish all questions were answered. I tend to feel so alone. I cry at love songs about terror hate and bongs. I mean bombs, ily cell phone. Life is sadly short compared to turtles and trees. Accept I try, one day we'll all die, and that bugs the hell out of me.
7/19/09

Rockets and Waffles

Has this broken grown form of joy abducted my ability to construct a purposeful life? Better yet, was it worth it? I feel my appreciation for all slowly slip away to an abyss of broken hearts that no one cares for.
I am surrounded by death and destructions, and you question my ability to process life's simplicities. That makes you nothing less than a monster. Needless to stay, nothing more.
We are all broken, just some are willing to be mended.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Has this broken grown form of joy abducted my ability to construct a purposeful life? Better yet, was it worth it? I feel my appreciation for all slowly slip away to an abyss of broken hearts that no one cares for.
I am surrounded by death and destructions, and you question my ability to process life's simplicities. That makes you nothing less than a monster. Needless to stay, nothing more.
We are all broken, just some are willing to be mended.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
8/14/09

Lying to myself

5% trust, 30% hope, 15% happiness, 50% lies.
When all is said and done, and my being is shedding unnecessacities,
When Ive lost all trust in anyone, because I'm always proven wrong.
When I've lost all hope in our kind,
Because the days are still damn long.
When finally there are no more lies,
Everything is clear and i'm keeping sane,
When this night decides to end,
I win.
Because look, what will remain?

Rule:exception

I could refer to you as wasted time
An enemy
A memory
Another justice served to me
But I don't want to beautify your name.
I could realize you have no one
As you do every night
And inform me
And I pretend I feel the same
When moments before become inches beyond inches of regret, what else is there to say? There is no need for explanation.
Another broken key to be played. Not quite in tune, but it sounds alright, and it's better than nothing, right?
There's a certain thrashing side that dies alone sometimes.
And I could wish that upon you tonight.
But I don't think you're worth that much.
When I visualize your being in my mind I see brick upon brick of apathy. The sky is foggy, there is no grass to be seen. It's what I recognize as beautiful, but it doesn't feel pretty to me.
It defends a sense of lonely, that will return in less than a year.
I'm not going to say I was there for you,
Cause if that mattered, you would be here.
So let's push aside caring for convienence.
And pretend we lack fears.
'cause all in all, you are nothing.
Not worth time, talk, or anyones tears.
I hope one day I read this.
When we are hand in hand.
And force myself to release
And for once
maintain where I stand.
All the things I glanced past
Are real fucking clear, now.
It's 11:15 and I'm fine.
I just wish I could explain how.
You to me are a lesson and time well spent, not a waste. Because if I had continued to trust the unstrustworthy, where would I be? Back in elementary, where the majority of minds still lie. Holding onto dependence in the dark, holding on to someone that doesn't quite want to be held. And we are falling.
The security and laughter, I didn't feel that sensation.
You are nothing now so what were you then?
I guess you were just inspiration.